Express mail

"For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you 'Do not fear. I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

Fear. Webster's definition is "an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." Fear is an emotion that often arises out of perceived danger rather than the true threat of bodily harm. When fear is experienced, one is compelled by an insatiable
urge to apease terror's screaming demands under the delusion of control. If I were to summarize the battle cry of my heart, it would be the above. The Lord has been cornering me to face and stare boldly in the eye of the perceived monster I have been delusionally running away from all of my life. The monster is not real, however like Jacob, I have been wrestling with the One no one can contend with; rebelling to accept His chosen path for me. Sadly, I have been fighting Him tooth and nail to cling to the illusion that I have control of my life. I have been fueled by the enemy's primary weopon . . . fear. Fear to accept the reality of the path the Lord has chosen for me to walk through. It seems strange that at this time of my life, I have been facing the core of my greatest fear, to relinquish and accept this disease He has chosen me to bear. To accept that He only knows how bad it is going to get. While I stare at the dark path of uncertainty, He bids me to blindly trust that He is good and wants to give me life abundantly. To trust Him that He alone can satisfy my most deepest longings and desires in His time not mine.

It is such a paradox much like losing or dying to one's life in order to find it. I have no control, but He does. He sustains me with His own hand as he reminds me not to be afraid because He promises to hold my hand and help me walk on the path. He gave me that promise during the darkest period of my life as an undergraduate student at Biola University. About 11 years ago, I found an envelope in my student mailbox containing a small rectangular piece of card board with the verse above written in marker. No name, simply the word of God at a time when I was truly enslaved by dark forces that left me feeling out of God's reach of His love and grace. The promise still unshakably stands firm. It is my anchor as the ship is battered by the waves of the storm. As I look back on who I was when I held that priceless piece of cardboard and who I am now, there is no shadow of doubt that He never let go of me. He has reminded me that He never will.